i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
