and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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