Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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