OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
