I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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