Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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