I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
