The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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