i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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