I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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