you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
