but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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