Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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