you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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