I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
