In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
