he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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