i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
