it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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