Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
