i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
