I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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