just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
