She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
