i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
