It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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