In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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