I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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