Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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