Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
