This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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