This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
is it fun? or sober?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
