im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
