oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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