trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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