Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
