Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I puked a lego.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
