But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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