i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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