My liver just broke up with me...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
