Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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