Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it hurts more in the daytime
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
