capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
