No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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