im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
