The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
