I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
