Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
