WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
zippers are such a cool invention
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
