Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How external is "for external use only"?
What drink are we having for lunch?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
