The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
