the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize