You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
