I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
