i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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