Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
