But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize