I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This toilet bowl is my home.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
