Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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