I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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