When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
