Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
