she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
