I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
