He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
