yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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