I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize