worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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