Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
