I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize