smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
