Your tits are I can't wait for
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
ttyl tear gas
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
