Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
