I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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