when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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