She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
