he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
