In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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