im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
