just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
