Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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