I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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