dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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