Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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