Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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