I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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