I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
