If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
