6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
