Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
People in love make me want to vomit
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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