2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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