I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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