I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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